Parenting principles at the Heart of Our Approach
Self-Care & Reparenting
Show up differently for yourself and for your kids. Self-care starts with self-compassion. Be generous with yourself when making mistakes. Our brains aren’t wired to suppress our needs and put others first. Stay attuned to your needs and prioritize yourself. People pleasing leaves you emotionally depleted. We all have developed patterns that once served us - but are no longer useful. Let’s break free from inter-generational patterns. You can do better! Let’s start by identifying your triggers, changing your inner dialogue and responding rather than reacting. Learn to stay calm in the midst of the chaos.
Reframe Behaviors
Your kids’ actions don’t define who they are. Behaviours can be seen as a window into what they are experiencing or as the tip of the iceberg. While we can find ways to address these behaviours, if the needs behind them aren’t met, new challenges will emerge. My hope for you is to fully see your child for who they are and gain a deeper understanding of their underlying needs. Is it a need for connection, clear boundaries, or skill development? By recognizing and addressing your child's emotional needs, you can not only improve their behaviour but transform how the entire family functions.
Build Resilience
Here’s the truth: Our kids can only tolerate emotions that WE tolerate in them (and in ourselves). Letting your kids know you are not scared of their emotions and that you are willing to connect with them and discuss their feelings is the first step to building resilience. Validating their experience by believing them will build self-trust, rather than induce self-doubt. Empathize, be curious and open the conversation with them instead of shutting them down. You’re setting the stage for them to learn to tolerate strong emotions and be resilient. Sometimes you might not know what to say, but by simply staying calm and present when they are going through difficult emotions you let them know they are safe and that you are not overtaken by their emotions.
Set Clear Boundaries
Our kids’ job is to try to gain control wherever they can. It’s as if they were blind and trying to find the walls to know what they can access and what’s safe or not. As a parent, your role is to set clear boundaries for them consistently. Ground yourself in your authority with warmth and firmness. Most of us have learned the hard way that punishments aren’t effective - They do not teach the skills your kids need to learn. It’s our responsibility to guide them in developing the tools to manage their challenging emotions.
Repair
It’s ok to mess up - as long as you repair after. You’re just being human. What’s your ability to go back, reflect and repair? Repair can have a powerful impact on your relationship with your kid. You are teaching them how to take responsibility for their actions. What I am saying is: you have to mess up to teach them what to do when they mess up! Messing up is an opportunity for self-growth, teaching life skills and deepening your connection with your loved ones. So next time you lose it, please be gentle with yourself, own your responsibility and see it as an opportunity instead of feeling guilty and hopeless.